the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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