i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
