I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
