Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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