while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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