that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
