Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
