matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
