That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
