i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
