we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
