So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize