He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
