You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I could fuck to npr.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
