Acid is not a monday night drug
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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