Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
