He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
