took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
