This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
