11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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