stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
