Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
