At least make sure they are 18
Why
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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