I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
