I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
