it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
