I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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