tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
