sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
