the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
