to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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