There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
