Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize