I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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