I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
