i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
