The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
