She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
