Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You are a genius and a whore.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
