when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
