Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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