I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize