Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
