I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
