I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my mouth tastes like poor choices
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
