omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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