I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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