I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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