Are you still at the party or did I leave?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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