He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
