2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
