i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
