So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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