God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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