Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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