Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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