I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
