I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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