Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
