her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
