After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
