1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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