You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
