i barfeds in our rink
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize