Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
