youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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