I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
