he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
sarcasm needs its own font
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
