This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
