i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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