Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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