you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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